The Placebo Effect
by maximuso
Summary: Also known as 'Byakurai: A Captains' Survival Guide'. Will become a collection of chaos, written by the noble himself. Bya/mainly Yoru, but he is a bit of a smooth criminal, so there will be more fun... so to speak.
1. It His BDay, Cry If He Wants To

The Placebo Effect

Byakuya Kuchiki.

When hearing this name, there are several immediate thoughts that we are faced with.

Raise your hand if you thought of a raven haired noble, who defines elegance and grace with but a sideways glance. Thank you. You may put your hands down.

Raise your hand if you thought of a powerful shinigami, the wielder of Senbonzakura, the 'Pink Wave', who has pure reiatsu coming out the whazoo. Thank you.

Raise your hand if you thought of a rectal pole.

Please sit down, Mr Kurosaki, and stop shouting "ME! ME!". _Please, _Mr Kurosaki... Thank you, Mrs Kuchiki. Yes, Ichigo, if you must, you may leave to see a doctor.

Anyway. To tell a story about the stoic, beautiful lord is usually enough to put most hyperactive 5-year-olds to sleep. So I am not going to tell a tale about Byakuya Kuchiki: the proud, unemotional prince, but I will tell a story about the noble when he is anything but.

The story starts at a celebration, but by no means ends there...

* * *

><p>"Happy 500th Birthday, Byakuya!"<p>

Rounding a corner in the 6th division barracks, intending to head into a training hall, the captain of said division came upon the most important people in his life sitting around a large rectangular table and a smaller circular one.

Around the sides of the larger table were the more prominent members of the 13 Court Guard Squads. Byakuya could list each of them by name and rank, being the keen historian that he was, and was astounded to see that every current captain and lieutenant was in attendance of what was apparently a surprise party. Soi Fon, Komamura, even the Sōtaichi was sitting at the modest table, apparently mingling with his two eldest students, in the small, smelly room of the 6th division barracks.

Around the small, round table sat what would appear to be the unseated guests. No, scratch that, Renji was amongst them. This must be the really important people, for those closer than colleagues. Renji sat next to Ichigo, and it was clear that the two had been sitting there for a while, for they both had one hand on the others face, while the other waved a greeting to the Birthday Boy. It seems Byakuya walking in had disrupted whatever argument they were having. His presence was much more successful than his sister; she had one foot in the Ryokas' back, and an arm around his neck. The nervous, toothy smile she had on was nearly sufficient enough to get a chuckle out of the 500-year-old shinigami.

Almost.

What made the noble most inwardly agitated was that while Rukia sat to the left of an empty seat, probably intended for him, Shihouin Yoruichi had chosen to sit to the right of the seat. But Byakuya would not let any emotion of frustration or embarrassment show in his facial features; he bowed slightly to his audience (he noticed a few bowed back) and said:

"Pardon my lateness, but I was unaware of any plans for a get-together in my (_vast_) honour."

This drew many blank or deadpan faces, but they were expecting no less from the nobleman. However, the comment got a chuckle from three of the guest; the demon-cat laughed, Unohana giggled, and Kyoraku snickered.

"Well," Shunsui said, "next century, we will inform you of when and where the surprise party is!"

"We'll even ask you what kind of cake you want, Byakuya-bo!" Yoruichi added. Ukitake joined in on the laughter, and Yachiru joined in for the sake of it.

To this, Byakuya took the literal meaning. "That would be superb. And for the record, I believe ice-cream cake is most enjoyable." (Not noticed by Byakuya, Renji kicked Rukia under the table, and mumbled "Pay up") "But, I really must be off to training. There is a new kind of Kido spell I've come across that I wish to quickly learn, so I must dedicate some time to practice. Would you possibly be able to enjoy my surprise party without me?"

Those who had stopped laughing to listen had started laughing again (Yachiru joined in, because laughing was always a great deal of fun). The lord had thought the comment was rather ironic, as well, but as a noble, he should keep up the 'playing dumb' act.

It would appear Yamamoto was acting dumb, as well (Actually, the General doesn't play dumb. He plays 'Now You Die!©'. It sold well in Japan). "Captain Kuchiki, that is the worst excuse I've heard since these two (indicating Shunsui and Ukitake) were lads. In any case, we are here for a dual purpose today. So please take a seat."

Nobody noticed Zaraki's eyes light up at the word 'dual', thinking there might be some action here after all.

Wondering how the old man had seen through his lie, the obedient noble did as he was told. He hadn't wanted to ruin a perfectly good party with his presence, but if it was not only a party, then he would do well to find out.

In his seat he faced the larger table, with his back to a wall. From here he could see every face and torso in the room; Unohana had very subtle make-up on, Mayuri was wearing his mane, Komamura had brushed his hair, which would have taken a considerable amount of time, Iba was wearing his reflecting glasses, Kenpachi had his decorative bells on and Matsumotos' shikahusho was even more revealing than usual. Somehow.

In his more immediate vicinity, Rukia had her hair up, Ichigo had Zangetsu in its un-released state, Renji had his hair up, and Yoruichi had her old Shihouin family dress on. It was startling to see her in it after so long, but Byakuya actually liked it. It reminded him of his youthful days, when he would, on occasion, see the demon cat put on a dress and be a lady, albeit for a short amount of time.

It was around then that Byakuya noticed that they were all staring at him. _Are they expecting a speech of some sort?_ For this, Byakuya was always ready, but this time, he handled it differently.

"If you are all expecting a speech, then be thankful, for I just happen to have one prepared for this very occasion."

At this, there were several loud groans. Pulling from out of his robes a scroll, he stood up, and unfurled the roll. It hit the table and rolled across it. For several metres. Another loud groan.

"Let me see..."

The Kuchiki lord started looking down the paper. It started off slowly, but the assorted shinigami found themselves watching him throw lengths of parchment skywards, in an apparent attempt to find the right words.

About three quarters of the way through, he suddenly stopped. "Ah, here we are. 'Thank you all for coming. Let the festivities begin.'"

On this cue, Kuchiki family servants brought in a startling amount of food and drink, all of the highest grade. There were many high-pitched screams as some of the female guests saw clam, oyster and snail on the plates, but the squeal of delight was nearly deafening when Iba had the largest roast boar he had ever seen slapped on his plate. He tried to cover it up with some manly grunts, but somehow Yachiru already had it on a voice recorder for everyone to relive (at a price) later.

"Oi, Byakuya. Ooph! What the hell! Rukia... oh, ok, ok. Excuse me, Kuchiki-sama, but how did you know that there was going to be a feast?" Ichigo, obviously on his best manners, was asking an obvious question that most people had ignored, and thought more upon stuffing their faces with the free feed provided.

"It was simple, essentially," Byakuya started, closing his eyes. "These are Kuchiki tables, and to rent them, you have to be part of the family - thank you, Rukia – and you must also state what you want them for. Seeing as how this is a birthday party, then it is required that the Kuchiki clan, as good, hospitable people, must provide any culinary requirements, including the use of their cooks."

"Wow, captain, you really know your tables..."

"Also, when a request is made, it is written down and given to the head of the house."

A light clicked on in Rukias' head. "Oh. So that means..."

"I organised the food."

In a moment of generic-anime-style comedy, Rukia, Ichigo and Renji fell out of their seats and onto the floor with an arm or leg still visible, and the perfectly clean floor suddenly found itself able to send up dust in their general area.

Seeing as how this thing happens around Byakuya a lot, no-one really took any notice of it.

Opening his eyes, to view the combatants, he was not surprised to see one, two, three felled party soldiers. However, one still stood (sat, really), and it was no other than the demon cat herself. Remembering that she is not a demon cat today, but a demon cat in a dress, he changed his behaviour accordingly.

"Shihouin, I would have thought that you would know about the proper way to do things. Couldn't you have used your own tables?"

Puzzled by the formality from her childhood friend (his childhood, her friend, and not the other way around), and the fact that he had said something that would have otherwise been a joke (had it not come from him), she did an impression of the noble that she supposedly was. She sat up straighter, closed _her _eyes, put on a snooty expression, and replied in haiku.

"Passes by does time,  
>A nobles memory goes blank,<br>Something about trees."

"I see your poetic form is improving," Byakuya says, in what might have possibly been a mocking tone. "But even you must remember some things of being a noble."

Less playfully, the former-Captain states "No, it's just that there is nothing much about being a lady that I _care_ to remember." They both knew that 'fun and games' were not allowed for privileged children, and adults had to behave at all times. "Back then, all I can remember is being a captain and disobeying my 'superiors'. The 'noble' rank defines too much for me. I see it defines you."

Byakuya understood this to its' fullest. "Outward appearances are so much to someone of my status. I have to be careful what I say, what I do, who I talk to or do it with. I'm sure you know it is nigh forbidden to even look upon those from the Rukongai with no shinigami powers. I do not believe it is in the code of conduct anywhere to actually lose my temper."

"Really? Things must have changed from a hundred years ago." This reply came just as the three grounded shinigami rose back into their chairs.

Rukia, persistently curious about her brother, asks "Why's that, Yoruichi-sama?"

"Drop the formalities, Rukia, and I might tell you. You see, back when I knew him, it was very, very, _very_ easy to ruffle his feathers," she chuckles remembering one of the times she visited the young lad. _Haha, cleavage bounce. Classic._ "I use to goad him into flash-step chases, by-

"Stealing my hair-ties." Byakuya interjected.

"-Uh, yeah, hair-ties, and he would chase me a few miles, get tired, call me a few names, then return home, sweaty, tired and brooding. Ah, those were the days."

"Good times."

The sarcasm in Byakuyas' last comment caught Yoruichis' ear. Having another look at the boy... no, the man that was Kuchiki Byakuya, once the spoilt brat who thought he was the Kings' gift to shinigami, she became aware that she was looking at a completely different person.

"What happened, Byakuya?"

Nearly confused by what he believed was a less than linear line of thought, Byakuya answered with a question; "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are you talking about the days in which you attempted to torment me?"

"Yes, I am." She said, further confusing him.

"I see your memory is as bad as you alleged it was. You aided the escape of two law-breakers to the human world. The 'tormenting' was discontinued."

"And sometime in the past hundred years, you changed, Kuchiki. What happened to Little Byakuya, who would chase me for hours on end for a simple ribbon?"

Byakuya had to pause for a second to answer this queston, which was a noticeable gap. _My Hisana died. _He didn't say that, though, and offered up an excuse; "He became the head of a noble family, a captain, and a figurehead, all at once."

A quick realisation hit Yoruichi, like static shock being passed by an accidental touch. "That means that-

"No, Ginrei didn't die. He announced his retirement on the same night that my parents... left us. I'm sure he'd be glad to have a visit from you, though."

There was a moment of silence as everyone at the table digested this information. Yoruichi was first to finish, having a bit of a head start on everybody else, and Ichigo came in last, having no idea what-so-ever.

"So, I'm guessing your training as a noble and captain kicked up a gear at the same time?" This came from Yoruichi, and the response came from Byakuya.

"Yes, the day after. I completed the training within a week."

Another silence followed, but this one was broken by Ichigo, struggling to keep up.

"I don't get it. Why would they give a kid a captains responsibilities?" The room temperature dropped several degrees, and several cool drinks froze. "I didn't mean it like that, Hitsugaya-taicho! I mean, he had a lot on his plate, right? Why not give the division to someone else?"

"Because the sixth division is like a family heirloom," said Yoruichi, as the room warmed up significantly. "If Byakuya gave it up to just anyone, then it would be like letting some stranger into your grandparents' underwear draw."

"Not as accurate as an analogy as I would prefer," says Byakuya, "but I must agree to a point. For my family to lose the division would be as if Abarai lost his tattoos. Unthinkable."

Delighted by the fact that he had been used in one of his captains _own_ analogies, Renji decided to join the conversation, unaware of what he was really implying; "What was it like when you ran away from your division, Yoruichi-sama?"

"_**I did not run away from anything**_!" There was a loud crash, and the attention of Byakuyas' partygoers turned to the Goddess of Flash, standing up, glaring daggers at the redhead, hellfire in her eyes, and down at the table, where she had slammed her hands in anger, there was a broken plate where her shunkou-reflex had kicked in. Thankfully enough, she realised that it hadn't broken the table. The grey lining to this silver cloud was that everyone in the room was looking at her in her slightly torn, armless, backless dress.

She sat down, and quietly said "My priorities... shifted. That's all."

Seeing as how only those at the circular table really knew what she was talking about, the rest went back to their meals, happy that she did not intend on starting a fight. (Except for a certain jingling captain)

Back at the table, Byakuya said, glancing gently over at Rukia, "Yoruichi-sama, this is something I can understand."

Before Rukia had the chance to blush, the doors were thrown wide open, and in walked various members of the Kuchiki clan. They were in a walking formation, which the nobles present knew meant that there was something big going on. This specific formation was usually meant for rituals, and the most important member would be the one right at the back, and, indeed, he was, for when he turned the corner, Byakuya knew who he was straight away. This was a man who didn't like him very much. His name was Kuchiki Shinekunji Hayanduri, and he was the most traditionally minded man in the whole of the spirit world. In the five years of marriage that Byakuya had enjoyed with his late wife, the man had tried to force a divorce on every day of the week. He had no grounds to do such a thing, and Byakuya listened to his whining like Ichigo listened in class.

Right now, he seemed to be on the war-path, as he had brought nearly the entire clan to the barracks. The observational eye would observe that he was holding a large silk cloth and an ornate silver flask. Whatever was about to happen was not going to be a good thing, judging by the way he walked.

Byakuya said, "Oh, good. Now we have more company for my party. The more the merrier, I believe. I would offer you a seat, but there are now... 235 of us, and seating for-

"Silence! I will not have you interrupt the ritual with your gibber-gabber-ing." _Ah, that's right,_ thinks Byakuya, _he's an old person._

"What ritual?" asks Matsumoto, thinking the night, which looked to be full of drinking games and bottle-spinning with Seireiteis' most eligible bachelor, will be rather boring after all.

"This was the second purpose of the gathering tonight," says Yamamoto. "The following needs to be witnessed by all of us."

The lesser nobles circled the tables, and when they felt they were spaced appropriately, bowed in the direction of the focal point of the evening. Shinekunji walked up to the right of Byakuya, so that their faces remained visible. Both remained mostly emotionless, although the younger face was showing what might be called confusion, if his face were to be examined by a panel of experts.

"A noble is many things," says Shinekunji, finally. "He is a warrior most skilled and elegant in battle, he is a scholar well versed in the history and legislature of the Soul Society, and he is a progenitor to his family, passing the gene of lordship to his children, so they may continue his line. Kuchiki Byakuya; your 500th year of life should be marked by three things. One; the power of a true shinigami has been gifted to you. Can you prove this?"

Thinking only for a moment, the captain removed the haori from his back and passed it to his elder. "Here is your proof. I have taken my place as a captain of the Gotei 13. This is my jacket."

Satisfied with the evidence, Shinekunji continued; "Two; the intellect of a scholar has been shown and taught to you. What achievements in the pursuit of knowledge have you made?"

Confident again in his response, Byakuya replied, "I have read of the entire Kuchiki library. I have all three disciplines of kido under my control. I have participated in the creation of rules and laws that the Soul Society is run by."'

A small smirk played on the old man's' face as he asked the final question. "Three; the bloodline of your family in insured, as you have produced an heir. Is this true?"

Instinct forcing him to look over to his sister, no, _half_-sister, he realised that he had failed to protect his families noble blood. He had no son or daughter, as the time he had spent with his late wife had not formed any children. If he should die, then the Kuchiki nobility would effectively crumble.

He was frozen in the moment. The eyes of the room stared at him, as he found himself unable to answer the question. As a noble, he had been bred to not accept failure, and here he was, not succeeding in what would appear to be some sort of coming of age ceremony (he had not heard of this one before, and was not experienced in its' execution). Was he really such a terrible Head of Clan, to not have left an heir?

Time started to move again, and his lips found the answer that he found himself nearly too proud to say.

"No."

"Kuchiki Byakuya, you have failed to maintain the purity of the bloodline of the family." The old man held out his arm, and dropped the pure white cloth. "To this lack of foresight, the Kuchiki clan must take away your leadership of the noble house." There were audible gasps, and people had already began talking, but Byakuya stood without batting an eyelid. There was a slight widening of the eyes, but this indicator of shock went mostly unnoticed as Shinekunji began speaking again, as all present began listening even more intently.

"Also, as the captaincy of the 6th division belongs to the head of the Kuchiki, you are no long of captain rank. This has been discussed with the Soutaicho, and he has agreed to find alternate arrangements for the 6th." Several pairs of eyes turned to Yamamoto, but he was showing no surprise, or any other significant emotion, either.

"As the conclusion of this rite is upon us, you, having failed the test of nobility, are now officially stripped of your nobility, your power and your people. You may keep the name of Kuchiki, but let it be heard by all those closest to you that you are not tied to that name. You are not one of us."

"Finally," the wrinkled Kuchiki says, handing the silver flask to the non-Kuchiki, "you must drink from this bitter juice, which will drain all the nobility from your blood itself." There was another audible gasp at this, as the imagination of the assembled shinigami gave them all very gory images that most of them wished they had not thought of. "To take a drink form this symbolises your willingness to hand over the clans leadership. After just a sip of this, all you will have are the clothes on your back and the natural power that still runs through your veins."

Slowly reaching for the flask, seeing every detail of the symbolic sakura tree on the side of the pure silver container, he grabbed it, and, as he brought it to meet his lips, he wondered just what his life held for him past the liquid that he would soon ingest. Would it be a life of dishonour, contempt and scorn? Would it be full of misery? Or could he just start anew?

Fear gripped him as he let the first few drops slide onto his tongue. The liquid was bitter, and tasted vaguely of some kind of cleaning agent that the cleaners used on bathroom walls (or so he had imagined). As he cautiously swallowed what little there was in his mouth, he felt the room spin. Was this the drinks' effect? Or was it the effect of losing his identity, his status, and his rank?

He was brought out of his thoughts by the burning sensation that was making its way down to his stomach. For a few seconds, he felt that this was, indeed, the end of his life, that the liquid was made to kill him. But after a few seconds of just standing there, with the room in waiting for some reaction, he realised that he wasn't dead. In fact, he felt good. All thoughts of death, the final certainty, were wiped away by endless roads of possibility.

_This is not the end of my life, _he began to think, _but maybe this is the start of a new one_... _Actually, this stuff isn't as bad as I had thought it would be. I feel much... lighter. The weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders... But, I am feeling too heavy to fly, still..._

Outwardly, he smirked.

* * *

><p>Mwa ha ha. Just wait until the next chapter... or maybe I will submit it now!<p> 


	2. He Doesn't Want To, Though

The Placebo Effect

* * *

><p>Kurosaki Ichigo was now doing exactly what the rest of the room was doing; staring at Byakuya, waiting for some sign of what that overly suspicious flask had in it. Some thought that it might be poison, some thought it might be some magical potion, and some thought that it might be just water, as some kind of symbolism of something being something else. Hey, these were nobles, after all. They were twisted like that.<p>

Ichigo watched in shared anticipation as the Birthday Boy stuck the bottle between his thin lips, and took a short swig. He held his breath as an expression of disgust (or a bit of an eye twitch and an upturned lip) took the place of the usual stoicism that Byakuya held. His Adams Apple bobbed, signalling to Ichigo and the rest that he had 'downed' the liquid. Now the crowd waited for something to happen, and with Byakuya, they all knew they would have to look hard.

This is why it appeared to Ichigo that Byakuya had the most enormous grin that he had ever seen, even though it was just a subtle smile. Even Ichimaru would have to really try if he wanted to compete with this tiny little thing.

Then, all of a sudden, the ex-noble threw the bottle back over his head, connected the open end to his mouth, and _sculled._

Ten seconds later, Byakuya threw the bottle to the ground, wiped his lips, and looked out across the room. Everyone who had been watching beforehand (not Yachiru, because her eyes were covered by Yumichika) now had eyes the size of basketballs, and mouths that would fit them. Even Yamamoto himself looked like he had seen a ghost (metaphorically speaking). Ichigo instinctively had his hand on Zangetsu, and waited for the noble to do something, such as slaughter all the people present. Nobody had given a single thought to how Mr Pole-Up-Arse would react to losing his family, his job and his pri-

_Oh, shit, Byakuya lost his pride, shit, shit, shit-shit-shit-shit-crap, he's probably going to kill everyone in the big circle thing for taking it away. What did they expect? 'Thanks for that, I'll just be off for tea'? Hells no, he's gonna kill someone... _These were Ichigos' thoughts, more or less. However...

"Hmph." These were Byakuyas' exact sounds, as close as Ichigo could tell.

"Huh.

"Ha. Ha ha.

"Ha ha HA haha. Ha, hah HA-HA-HA!"

There was a slight pause, as if the man at the centre of attention was checking to see if the sounds he was making were right. Ichigo was suddenly wondering if Byakuya had ever laughed before.

"HAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAaaaaah!

"Ha, ha, mph. Ha ha.

"Ha."

Everyone expecting genocide was deadpan at the sight of the Kuchiki slowly breaking out in laughter, dropping to his knees in pain, laughing some more, then standing up, slightly giggling as he did so. He let out a very loud sigh, then started speaking. Differently.

"Firstly, Yama-ji, you're old. I would just like to say that. Thank you.

"Also, there is not a single one here tonight that I do not hold some form of respect for. That includes you, Renji, and excludes Mayuri. And Omaeda. (Soi Fon withheld an arm-pump)

"I would like to say thank you to the people that put up with my duty to be an unemotional, law-abiding, stock-standard _noble_. So, thank you, Baboon-boy, for always reaching for the stars, even though you may never catch hold of them. Thank you, Ryoka, for stamping on my pride. It really needed it. Thank you, sister, for always being there for me, and I am sorry I could not always be there for you. It hurts how much you are akin to your sister, and I am proud of you still, even if that means nothing now. And thank you, Demon Cat, for getting me angry, and flustered, and in-shape, and trained, and angry, and _human_. Only machines cannot feel, and the kind teasing you have treated me to has led to a range of emotions that I do not think would have been otherwise felt.

"Thank you all for coming, and I will assure you all that this will not be the last time we meet."

And then he bowed, stood up straight, and shunpo-ed away. Then he reappeared, gave Shinekunji a solid flick on the nose, said "Chocolate mud-cake in the form of the sea-weed ambassador is best", and disappeared.

The room woke back up. The spell was broken. A few of the lieutenants stood up, a few of the Kuchiki ritualists sat down, Yoruichi stood and Renji fainted. Rukia, not missing a beat, liberated 40 SSD (Soul Society Dollars) from her friends wallet and returned to being very surprised.

Ichigos' first thought was to ask "Uh, Yama-ji-sama, was that suppose to happen?"

Right on cue, Byakuya 'stepped' back into the room, swept Yoruichi off her feet, caught her with his left hand on her back and his right hand on the inside of her knee, dipped her low, gave her the most passionate French kiss that anyone, even Matsumoto, could imagine, dropped her, and left a split-second before a very red Soi Fon could impale him with Suzumibuchi.

Yamamoto said "No, Kurosaki, that was not meant to happen."

"..."

"Does anyone else think I am old?"

* * *

><p>"So, uh, what was supposed to happen?"<p>

After everyone had came to their senses, after being shell shocked by Byakuyas behaviour, after a particularly interesting Surprise Party, the Sōtaichi had herded Byakuya's closest friends into a private room in the 6th division barracks to give an explanation for said shocking behaviour. Or, part of a reason.

Currently, a very red Shinekunji, and, inversely, a very pale Renji, sat, while Ichigo kept on swapping between Rukia and Yoruichi, trying to keep both from crying and exploding with anger (respectively). They now semi-patiently awaited a response from Yamamoto. Instead, Shinekunji spoke first.

"What was _supposed_ to happen, was that on a Kuchiki's 500th birthday, they have the 'Catharsis' ceremony."

The unpleasant way the man said this made Ichigo want to smack the grey beard off his red face, but this accomplished nothing, and instead asked "What is this ceremony?"

Explaining with an expression that Ichigo was sure would look a lot better on a caveman, Shinekunji said, "The Catharsis ceremony is a celebration of the purity of a Kuchiki's soul through great adversity. Since most Kuchiki do not know adversity, however, we must create it for them."

Slightly confused to what this meant, and why he was talking so much for once, Ichigo motioned for Shinekunji to continue.

"The noble is told that they have lost their royal blood, are given a drink of Saki and told they have no duties forevermore. Usually, the reaction is humorous, because they think they are in deep trouble. It is not uncommon for a noble to vomit up the Saki, because they have never tasted it before, and often believe they are poisoned.

"However, if they manage to keep it down, then their low tolerance for alcohol gets them drunk quite quickly. I have often seen a few great men reduced to slurring drunks from but a mouthful. Afterwards, the nobles get out of their untainted shells more, allowing their relationships with family, friends and co-workers to bloom through their feelings of elation.

"Byakuyas reaction to the ceremony is quite disastrous. Usually, a noble is depressed in the knowledge that they are not a noble anymore, and will stay with their close ones to talk about it, now that they are on the same level. It allows the lord or lady to gain a sense of humility. As they are about to leave to find a new life, we stop them, and tell them that it was all a game. They are then happy to be welcomed back to the family.

"This young Kuchiki lord seems to have _enjoyed_ leaving our great family. He has also left before we could complete the ceremony. This presents us with two very big problems.

"For one, the Kuchiki family is without a head, because Byakuya left no heir. And second, there is a very capable Shinigami on the loose who might consider... retribution." This last word seemed to put a damper on the old, angry mans' fire.

"So you're saying," Ichigo says, with a hand on Yoruichi's back and one on Rukias head, "that Byakuya is out there, without anybody, anything, thinking that he has no right to his home, his division, his _pride_, all because of a botched ritual _that you directed_, and the first thing you think of is your own skin?"

Defensively, Shinekunji stepped back from the sudden glare of two very powerful females. "This was not my fault!" he said, waving his arms, trying to cut off the lines of sight focused on his jugular.

"It might have been tradition, but did you have to be so harsh?" says Ichigo, keeping a calm tone, thinking that he might end up losing both his hands to two ravenous ladies.

This line of questioning made the old greybeard more confident, somehow. "Tradition clearly states that we must convince him that he is not a noble!"

However, he was not the only grey beard in the room. The General finally added to the conversation. "Kuchiki Shinekunji Hayanduri, it is known by both of us that that is not how one performs the ritual of Purifying Catharsis."

Taken aback by the insight that the head of the Gotei 13 had, Shinekunji was about to defend himself against any insinuations about the next indirect heir of the Kuchiki throne was a personal friend of his, but he dare not interrupt the General, for fear of... well, just in general.

"The failure of the ritual was only to be expected, as the current social situation is a millennia different from the last ritual, so even if you were trying to remove Byakuya from power on some technicality, I cannot actually pursue a suit against you." Quietly, as if on a personal note for the insolent Kuchiki, Genryūsai said "If I felt the need to persecute you, in an investigation, I am sure there are many things that would show up on your stained cloth of morality. Such as the blackmail of a Kuchiki family member." Genryusai started talking loudly again, which was lucky, as the 'stained' Kuchiki was currently as white as a sheet.

"However, what is most important now is regaining the support of this talented shinigami. Aizen is still a great threat that must be eventually dealt with, but currently we are at a disadvantage without Kuchiki-taicho. This means that we must somehow make him realise that he is still connected to us, before we are not connected to him. What we must do is find him. Once this is achieved, he should return to us, regain his honour, duty, and privilege, courtesy of the Kuchiki family."

The wide eyes of the room, in whatever position they were in, sharpened with purpose. The task of catching Byakuya would no doubt be entrusted to those who had a good ability to shunpo, and those who couldn't would co-ordinate the search. But how hard could it be to find a man with enormous reiatsu in the Seireitei? He would surely stick out like a sore thumb. That is to say, a very powerful, dangerous, unpredictable thumb, on a hand the size of a hundred football fields.

Ok, so it might be a bit harder than an easy walk through the Kuchiki gardens, but it shouldn't take long to find a _noble_, with the expensive scarf, a captains haori and a kenseikan in his long, shiny hair. A few wanted posters, some reports, and Shunsuis-your-uncle (a scary thought), you've found Kuchiki Byakuya.

Easy, right?

* * *

><p>Ooh, this is kinda fun, having crazy Bya. Might make a theme of the... no, I'll let you find out for yourself!<p> 


	3. or 'The New Prometheus'

The Placebo Effect

* * *

><p>Inside a hidden tunnel, underneath the Kuchiki gardens, with not enough light to make visible the path ahead, Kuchiki Byakuya- no, just Byakuya- walked. His destination was that of an underground Kuchiki bunker, from which he might gain valuable supplies for his new life. In one hand, a flare lit by spiritual pressure. The other dragged a wheeled suitcase, which jumped with every crack. What is in it, you might ask? What else? Clothes.<p>

It had been an unusual turn of events that had Byakuya walking down this familiar path, but Byakuya was not in the mood for thinking things over, currently. At the moment, he was in a 'doing' mood, which involved getting things done. He had thought for a good 15 minutes, which was ample time for him to remember his emergency room. The next 15 were spent doing, and that entailed grabbing a suitcase, a key, and a flare. The hour after that, he continued doing, but this entailed a long walk down a dark passage, so he walked slowly. Also, for some reason, he would occasionally hiccup.

To be completely precise, Byakuya wasn't feeling all that well. He was swaying, feeling slightly sick, was getting really hot in the face and throat, and was not able to think about any of this. He put it all down to the shock and adrenalin that he had still running through him from what had transpired at the party. What other reason could there be?

Finally, after an hour's walk, Byakuya reached the door. However, it was too dark to see, so he took one too many steps, and slammed right into the large, wooden affair of an entrance. _Oh, good. I'm here._

Taking a step back, he concentrates a short burst of spiritual pressure into the hand holding the flare. It lights, but the oddly-blue light burns only half as bright as it should. _Of coarse,_ he thinks, _this tunnel sucks in spiritual pressure, so as not to make itself common knowledge._ Dropping the flare to the ground, he searches his pocket for his metal key, which would fit the huge metal lock that the door was fastened with.

Paying a slight bit more attention to the lock, he noticed the inscription just above the keyhole. It read; the key to power. Fittingly, when he finally withdrew the key from his thousand pockets, he made out by the faint light; 'Knowledge'.

While he turned the key in the lock, he remembered that he would not need to be knowledgeable ever again, by the family standard. In fact, he had no obligations to anything, or anyone, for that matter. He was completely and utterly free. Just thinking this made him want to go and plant another kiss on Yoruichi's lips. This had been the first time Byakuya had kissed a lady in at least fifty years. It had been quite pleasurable to relive that experience he had shared with Hisana, but in this case, now, it was the ultimate revenge on the Demon Cat. He could just see her face now...

However, these thoughts of freedom were unrefined. _I might no longer be a Kuchiki, but I will not be a common sloth._ At this moment, another thought emerges. Everyone who is free uses their freedom. How would he use his? Acts of indecent behaviour might be fun, and he was pretty sure he could get away with it, too, but there was no purpose to this kind of life. What Byakuya needed was a purpose. And whatever it was, he had to be able to do it independently. He had to be able to do it anywhere. In his current situation, where there were probably people looking for him, he would have to be able to do it and attract no attention. Also, it would help if he had experience doing it.

_I've got it. It can even be about the times I might have while in this exile._

Realizing that he was still standing in the doorway thinking this, he pushes past the amazingly heavy doors, and moves on into the lighted room.

Inside, he found exactly what he was looking for. _Ah, good. Just how I left it._ In front of him, visible by a sky-light up way above, was a very large pile of cash.

* * *

><p>It was now some time later, and Byakuya was just coming back from the shops. He had changed his clothes, which required painfully removing his kenseikin, and was now wearing something he might have worn years ago. No longer in a shinigami uniform, he wore a blue shirt, with a white jacket over the top, and long, loose pants that were apparently denim, and all the rage in the human world. A cheap hair tie, and he was set.<p>

He had brought with him, in several trips, electrical washers, dryers, refrigeration, and yes, even the kitchen sink. These were now plugged into an electrical socket that he had running off of the research division. There was fresh water supplied to a few of the machines by a few water pumps that he installed himself years ago. While other nobles spent their valuable free time playing, he would help himself build an emergency home, complete with a bed and cupboard, and now modern conveniences that he had just moved in.

In his final trip, he had made one last return to the mansion which he had formerly called home. Being sure to stay out of sight, he grabed two things; a Polaroid camera, and a small picture frame. He placed them both on a bedside table, next to a cork board. On the table, there was an empty book, and a ball point pen already. He picked these up, and sat down on the bed.

On the cover of the book, he wrote;

_Byakurai_;

_A Captains Survival Guide_

Thinking for just a second, he adds;

_Edition 1_

He opens the book, thinks for a second, and writes furiously, starting with(from here on in, writing will be shown by the start of this '[' and the end being this ']';

[

An Introduction: Purpose

There are many dangers a captain must face. He runs headfirst into battle, sometimes without any prior knowledge of his enemies or his surroundings. If there were a time when a captain were to be cut off from his allies, and unable to return to his home in the Seireitei, then it is of much importance that he/she should know how to react.

I am, of course, the well-known Byakuya, formerly of the 6th division, and the Kuchiki family. At the time of writing this, I have been barred from both, and am now living a life of exile. My bloodline will most probably die with me, and my only solace is that these words may one day save the lives of the friends I left behind.

This book will serve as both a journal for me, as I live in my solitude, and a guide for those to come, as I will probably be on the run from the security forces, after my family has learnt that I sold one of their scarfs at a considerably reduced rate for all the equipment that I shall need and use.

I plan on experimenting with certain techniques on the fly, and the various successes and failures I have will be documented. When you read of the successes, practice the techniques that will most probably prove useful to you in the future. When you read of the failures, practice those, too, as there is usually a way to learn from them, and to improve.

I do not know when you may read this, how many chapters long it will be, or if I may even complete it. All I do know is that it was made to give me a purpose to this exile. In writing it, I hope to give knowledge unto whoever reads it, so that, when outnumber, overpowered, and surrounded, they may extend their life by a large period of time. This may be applicable to the coming Winter War, or any invasion of an enemy citadel.

This is Byakuya the Impotent*, the last true Kuchiki, former Captain of the 6th division, soon to be surrounded, outnumbered and possibly even overpowered. If I had any objects of material value, then this would be my final will, but seeing as how I have nothing to live for, then the only things I may pass on is my knowledge. This is my final gift.

I do hope you enjoy it.

*Fitting, I thought, but I do hope that I am not remembered this way.]

Thinking for a moment, looking at the four walls he had constructed years ago in less than a day, he again began writing;

[Chapter One: The Making of Plans: Your very own secret base

Here is a theoretical situation; you have been commanded by the Captain Commander to be part of a force that is to exterminate hollow in Heuco Mundo, thus relieving pressure on Soul Reapers in the Human World. However, upon arrival, you can find no way back, so you and your team are essentially trapped until there is another team sent to relieve you. A few weeks pass, and before you know it, your team is wiped out by the powerful Hollow living there. You are the only survivor. What should you do?

Here is what I recommend; built a home. You don't know how long you will be staying in this world, so you should create some kind of place to rest, safe from the enemy. Your base should contain a bed, and something to store food with, so you can eat when food is scarce. Make sure you know where to find food and water, and that you can obtain it as safely as possibly.

There are a few kido incantations and procedures that will make sure your spiritual pressure are hidden, and they are listed at the end of my journal, but this will not make it completely safe for you to sleep. Choosing a base that is away from prying eyes is an obvious choice, otherwise you may be eaten, killed, or captured while you are unaware of any danger.]

And he stopped again, because he realized that there was something he felt he just _had_ to do.

* * *

><p>In the Yoruichi residence, at the very centre of the greatest tower, Shihouin Yoruichi was walking to her room. It was a long walk, and it had been an equally long day. Up with the sun to train with Soi Fon, a very lengthy session with her own elders, the party with Byakuya, then the 'debriefing' of the ritual that took place at said party. She was only too happy to be retiring to her room.<p>

She was a bit anxious going to her old room, but she knew that the nobles wouldn't dare enter it in the last century. She was sure that the chamber maids would have kept her room free from undesirable contaminants.

She opened the door, and found that she was partly right. No Shihouin nobles had set foot in her room, and the maids had kept out _most_ undesirables.

On her bed was Byakuya, reading something.

"Byakuya? What are you—Wait, is that my DIARY?" She flash-stepped towards him, reaching out, but he shifted, and she ended up in his arms. He didn't waste the opportunity. She found, for the second time that day, that her mouth was locked with his.

She was a bit too stunned by the feeling and who was behind the feeling to notice that she was instinctually reciprocating, and _deepening_ the kiss. All she could feel was his tongue and all she could taste was really expensive and strong alcohol.

He drew back, and took advantage of the fact she was still dazed to say something near what she had said nearly a century ago.

"My, my, how is the Shihouin family going to maintain respect for themselves if they knew their current head was so _easy."_

She was still a bit stunned when he shunpo-ed away, leaving her book behind. When she finally woke out of her non-thinking silence (how long had she been standing there? Minutes? Hours? Actually, how long did the _kiss _last?), she looked over to her book. The pages were divided nearly down the centre of the book, split by the presence of a highlighter. She found that several pages had been highlighted. And all of them contained a reference to the Kuchiki brat. In the margin, on the back page, in fluro-blue, she read; Is this what you think of me now, Demon Cat-sensei?

Struggling to contain her spiritual pressure, Yoruichi quickly removed her dress, showing the Spec-Ops uniform that she wore underneath her clothes at all times, just in case. Byakuya had read her diary, and she was having troubles keeping her anger in. She breathed in slowly, then out. In, out. In...

There was a shrill scream, which caused any animals in the area to fly or run away. Which was weird, because there aren't suppose to be animals in the Seireitei.

"SCREW YOU, KUCHIKI BYAKUYA!"

* * *

><p>I'm having almost too much fun... Maybe a serious chapter next? NO WAY!<p> 


	4. A Furry Big Problem

The Placebo Effect

* * *

><p>Waking up with a strong, no, bloody huge migraine, Byakuya set about writing the next chapter of his book, and testing the principles of which would be difficult, given that he didn't want to kill anyone. But he knew the answer would come to him, and no sooner than the self-assurance faded into his mental thoughts, he got his idea. He grabbed his wallet, dressed, and went to the store...<p>

[Chapter Two: The Waging of War: Messing with their Hair

When faced with many opponents, one must remember that the mind is a precious gift for both you and them. This said, you should use your mind to abuse theirs. This can take the form of verbal sparring while battling, and this need not be true words, but painful to them. This can also take the form of guerrilla warfare, which I may go about demonstrating in another chapter. The form I am testing today is confusion, and mind games.]

Innocent, ignorant Ikkaku was bored. Well, maybe not so innocent, and in his division, he is not the most ignorant, but bored he was. Most definitely.

Whoever assigned an 11th division member to guard duty is most certainly going to pay, but for now, Ikkaku would have to continue to lean against the wall and watch the front gate of the Kuchiki mansion.

[A good time to strike is when the enemy is the least mentally prepared for what you intend. In battle, this is when their back is turned. In psychological warfare, this is when their mind is in disarray. If you wish to distract a guard, then I would ask you to wait for a time several hours after they start, and remember; a lone guard is much less dangerous than two.]

There was nothing else of interest to Ikkaku in the area. When he started, a few hours ago, there had been lovely trees, a few interesting passers-by, and a gigantic mansion behind him, which, for a few minutes, would put most people in a state of awe. However, he was at the point of time in a shift when the cracks in the ground are starting to lose interest, whereas they had been a god send half an hour ago.

Suddenly, something happened. Trust me, anything at all happening was like someone taking their nails off of a chalk board. In front of the bored individual, was a small, long-haired thingy. Any shape was not obvious to the bold man, because it had no visible legs, eyes, or other visible feature. It looked like a big fur-ball.

And, because Ikkaku never did have a love for animals, he said; "Oi, shoo! Get lost, ya dumb criter! Go on, shoo!"

And off it went. It just appeared to scurry off. How it did that was a mystery. It disappeared around a corner as quickly as it came.

[If you need to distract someone, I recommend various magnitudes and angles of 'Shu' on an object...]

Deciding he was the least bit curious, and sure that no one would miss him in the entire three seconds he was gone, Ikkaku tried his hand at investigating the creature. He walked to the corner it turned, and stepped round.

What he saw did put an end to his boredom. In fact, it scared the shit out of him.

Before him, there was the small, fury beast. Behind it, there was another hundred. There were many brown ones, a few black ones, yellow ones, red ones, orange ones, and even a few blue, purple and green ones. They came in mostly one shape, but a few of them had spikes, and their hair parted in a strange way. But, before he could react more intelligently than saying "Eh?", the first one jumped him. It landed right upon his head, and didn't give an indication that it wanted off. It sat there. So he threw it to the ground, very roughly, where it just sat there.

"That'll teach ya, furry bugger!" And then it struck him what they were.

"Wigs? What the hell?" At about this time, the rest jumped him. Covering him top to bottom, the enormous weight of all that hair dragged him to the ground. They climbed on his face, so that he couldn't see, and the last thing he could remember, while trying to throw them off, is a very, soothing... smell...

[No matter how big the muscle of an opponent, surprise will usually over come strength. Forcing an opponent onto his back will usually give you a definite advantage, and by using the technique I outlined above, you should be able to bring them into such a position. However, act quickly, as they will return to their feet soon.  
>All one must do to ensure the advantage is use a certain inhalable relaxant, created by one Kurotsuchi Mayuri, who is, currently, an aware of the disappearance. I am sure he would be willing to part with one of his experimental variants if you happen to need one, and his toxins almost always works, so you can be confidant in their ability to render a target unconscious. Just remember to report the effectiveness to Captain Kurotsuchi.<br>In the mean time, you enemy/target/love interest is in a venerable state, and you can do what you like with them.]

"AAAAHH!"

Ikkaku sat up. The wigs were gone. He was sitting outside the Kuchiki mansion.

"Oh, must have dazed off", he says to himself. Putting the strange dream behind him, he stands up, and takes his post once again.

_Strange, _he thinks. _I must have been out of it for a while, and I can't remember lying down in the first place._ He tries to remember what really happened, scratching his head. Or, atleast, trying to scratch his head. His head feels a bit weird, like he was wearing some kind of hat. Maybe getting up so fast is just making him feel like this, but the more he rubs his head, the more a sense of dread overwhelms him.

Eventually, he finds a piece of paper stuck to his new-hair. On it, there were words. Ikkaku started to read. [Good afternoon, 3rd seat Madarame. As you may well be aware, you have just gained a new hairstyle. It would be in your best interest not to show anyone, especially your captain. His reaction would be most disgraceful.

Yours, most freely, _Byakuya_.]

Looking around for a reflective surface, he spots a convenient mirror next to where he lay previously. Not wondering how it got there, he picked it up, and saw...

"ORANGE HAIR? AAAAAHHH!"

Before he had a chance to try and cut it off with his zanpakuto, there was a sudden rush of spiritual pressure. One pressure that he knew really well...

"C-Captain!"

There was a miniature explosion by the wall opposite the mansion, and, visible after the clearing of a combination of dust and smoke, there stood the most feared captain, Zaraki Kenpachi.

"Hello... Ichigo."

*blink blink*

"Uh, what?"

Taking another look in the mirror, Ikkaku reasoned slowly, like this.

One: Ichigo has orange hair. Two: I now have orange hair. Three: Kenpachi thinks that I, Ikkaku, am bold. Four: Kenpachi is looking at a guy with orange hair, about the same shape and size as Ichigo. Five: Kenpachi likes to fight with Ichigo...

Looking away from the mirror, he saw his captain, and ducked just in time. Then he ran.

"Get back here, you coward! Fight me!"

[Another form of confusion is turning the enemy against one another. This can be hard, but it is much safer than fighting both opponents at once.  
>I would like to state, to any future readers, if there are any, that it is not my intention to cause pain to anyone. However, this example was too hard to just pass up. I am sure that Madarame will be able to outrun Kenpachi, and eventually get the wig off of his head.<br>I feel that a lesson in subterfuge may have been learnt today, and that the 11th division would do well to learn from it.]

"BYAKUYA, YOU BASTARD!"

On the trail of a thin thread of spiritual pressure she had found, Soi Fon had found at the end of it Kurosaki, who had some weird eye-makeup on, was running from an apparently excited Kenpachi. It was apparent that any conflict that the two have could inflict a large amount of damage to the Seireitei, and she could not allow that.

With a simple kido spell, Kenpachi found himself in a similar situation as he was when Gin had interrupted what could have been a really interesting fight with Byakuya a few weeks ago. Bound by some very strong fabric, he was hoisted into the air by... the butch captain.

"Oi! Put me down, now, damn it! You're getting in the way of a good fight, and I'm damn sure you won't compensate me for it later! Look, he's getting away!" What he said was all true, but Soi Fon was only paying attention to the last part. Yoruichi, who was currently trying to reclaim her place back in the Shihouin family, because she was cleared of all charges by the New Central 46, had been too busy to handle the task she had delegated to Soi Fon, and Soi Fon was always eager to please Yoruichi, as always, so had taken upon her the task she could not currently fulfil.

Although, in all honesty, she really didn't think the task would be so hard for her. It was actually turning out to be quite the challenge.

Dropping Zaraki to the ground around a corner, she used shunpo to get infront of Kurosaki, who was surprisingly slow. It seemed like a lifetime had passed in the time it took for him to realise she had appeared before him.

"Soi Fon-taicho!" he stopped, and saluted, which was more than what one could ask of the ryoka. Not questioning his newfound respect for authority, she questioned the lad.

"Are you aware that you are interfering with a current investigation?"

The cold delivery must have intimidated the boy as she had planned, for he stuttered in his response. "Eh? W-what are you talking about?"

Pointing out the seemingly obvious, she pointed to his shin. "You have a string of spirit thread stuck to your leg. Would you please remove it?"

[A good way of throwing off any investigation into your presence is by attaching your reiatsu to another person. Either they will be confused when they find that their ally is who they are searching for, and suspect them, even attack them, give up the chase, or see the situation for what it really is; a person throwing their voice. Even if the last occurs, finding you becomes much harder.]

Looking down to where her finger lead him, he saw nothing. "Er, what are you talking about, ma'am?"

"Ah, so you cannot see spirit threads. I see." With this, she drew her blade and swung before the guy knew what was happening.

Surprised to see that a captain had missed entirely, he stared back at her with some suspicion of lunacy. When he overheard 4th division members talking about spiritual threads, he never suspected that they were being _literal_.

"It would be best for you to leave, before Zaraki frees himself from his restraints, Kurosaki."

With this, the odd boy deadpans. "But I'm not-

"IKKAKU?"

"Eh? Yumichika, what is—oh, son of A BITCH!"

[The ability to make an opponents' allies doubt him is a huge benefit: an analogue to this would be the boy who cried 'Wolf'. If your enemy is more likely to believe you than his friend, then you might be able to turn them against each other.]

"I just got a message from Matsumoto saying that you went shopping with her. I...I...I think her taste really, really sucks."

"What? We didn't! Why would I?"

"No, I get it! Scoring points with 'Boobs-chan', that's cool. Let her pick out a wig? Bonus points!"

"I-... We-...My-... GIANT WIG MONSTERS, I SWEAR!"

Having no clue what either of them were on about, Soi Fon simply sighed and followed the thread. She couldn't be bothered trying to sort out that mess, and Kenpachi would probably be free soon.

From some very inconspicuous bushes, Byakuya notes;

[Some individuals are less easily put off than others. To her credit, Soi Fon taicho is like an android from a human movie; seeks out the relevant data, does not get distracted by social issues, and keeps on towards her goal. This opponent is methodical, and does what makes the most sense. This is also a weakness, as they are predictable.]

* * *

><p>Half an hour and two kilometres from where Ikkaku and Yumichika run from their immediate superior, Soi Fon decides, while viewing a tapestry of spiritual pressure much like a scene from Charlotte's Web, that maybe another approach will be better.<p>

The entangled chords said ["Ikkaku is not the only one who should grow his hair out."]

[Sun Tzu said that the Art of War is an art of manipulation. Heed his words. Taunt you opponents when they are weak or in a bad position. Use double agents. Mess with what he thinks he knows. Turn him upon himself. Use the potential energy of a situation. The more energy you expend on one enemy, the less you have for the next. The less work you must do on your own, the better.]

* * *

><p>Yoruichi Shihouin was having a bad day.<p>

She had barely been in Soul Society a week, and already her nobles had started with the guilt trip. 'You ran away from your division, your home, your family' was the main line that the Shihouin family would use on her, and boy, did it hurt. She knew what she did, and it was true, by running _to_ the human world, she ran _away_ from everything else important in her life. It didn't change the fact that this was not the reason why she left, and she had reminded many of the idiots in the noble ranks that she ran from nothing.

She was particularly worked up on the night of Byakuya's party, and her nobles nailing this point into her was why Renji thought that her was going to find himself on the wrong end of a kido blast.

She was contemplating sending him an apology letter while Soifon searched, when she stumbled upon a letter. Addressed to her. From...

"Byakuya!"

She quickly picks it up. Maybe it held news to his whereabouts? His well-being? His plans? (Although, if Yoruichi could repay him for last night, then his location would be 'Several places at once, his health would be 'poorly', and his plans for the immediate future would be 'cancelled') Thoughts of retribution aside, her concern for her childhood friend made her drop to the ground for the note.

She opened it up. There was no writing on this side, so she turned it over, and read;

[Behind you, Demon Cat]

Suddenly confused, she has a moment of Deja-vu. Years ago, she played a prank on a certain kid, who read a note addressed to him on the ground. He turned around, to be greeted with bosoms. Byakuya-bo had chased her a whole extra thirty minutes for that one.

So she recognised the tactic, ducked, and sweeped the space behind her with her leg, intending to trip up anyone trying to surprise her from behind.

There was no-one there.

"Huh." She said, standing up. _He must be laughing at me right now, from a convenient hidey-hole, on a camera, or something. _Scanning the environment for something in the distance, she turns around to set off on her way.

This time Byakuya gives her a simple peck on the forehead.

_Beep._

And they are off, faster than the eye can follow. She has already surrendered her noble attire for the agility of her stealth suit. They dodge through streets, across roof tops, between, around and over the top of merchants and shinigami alike. It was like the days of their youth, but amped up to 11, as they had each improved variably in their time apart. But it is clear that he name is not for naught, as the Goddess of Flash is almost within an arms length of him, where they started with a 10 metre gap.

_Beep._

They round another corner, and Byakuya pulls a cord. Before she knows it, Yoruichi trips, rolls, springs herself up with her left hand-

And crashes into a wall of pillows. Her momentum keeps her glued to the wall for a moment, before she falls into the bed Byakuya set up hours ago. The sheets are red, and there are two heart shaped pillows. Apparently, he had known how he would be pursued, and had created a pleasant endi- no, not pleasant, or pleasurable, which was the next word she was thinking, but satisfying. No, not that either. Desirable? No. Happy ending? Hells no!

Good. A good ending to the chase._ Damn it,_ she thought, laying on her back,_ he's getting to me!_

Of course, on the bed was an envelope. She opened it, and rolled over, staying well aware of her surroundings. She emptied it onto the bed, and found herself cursing that bastard once again.

Inside is; a stopwatch, a photograph of the 'moment' yesterday, and, of course, a letter for her. It read;

[Some say I am fast, but now I know why they call you the Goddess of Flash. From that kiss, it took me so little time to get you into bed. Sweat dreams, Byakuya.]

She was going to swear really loudly. She was. But she didn't. She was too comfortable. So she rolled back over and watched the clouds holding a pillow to her stomach until Soifon found her on the end of a string Byakuya had left for her.

Apparently she was thinking of growing her hair.

* * *

><p>I was a bit quick on this chapter. What do you think? Good? Bad? Ugly?<p> 


End file.
